*UPDATE*
As I was taking a break and the wife wanted to understand what I had sunk 300$ into and no still no lights worked I had a breakthrough.
Just as a test, I selected [RPi PWM - WS281x], as it was the last thing I have not tested and it should not work, but it's a ws281x library and I wanted to do something else to explain to the misses...
the lights lit up...
Selecting PWM, for WS281x leds, my SK6812RGBW leds, lit up.
The leds I've been struggling to make work on SPI, the leds I've spent more money on after the first purchase, to make them "work", now work with PWM.
Why do they not work with SPI and the way they are supposed to work? I wouldn't think setting up Hyperion should feel like doing a Remote Associates Test.